As many of you may know, I am just a few short weeks away from becoming a mother.
Let me first say: Pregnancy is not for the faint of heart. I have a new respect for women who have carried a baby for nine months, as it is a marathon, not a sprint, not a hop or a skip, no jaunt - it is without a doubt the hardest thing I have ever done, and I feel pretty confident that it will be the best thing I have ever done. But we're not quite there yet.
Some women have truly lovely experiences. Probably not that many of them.
Others suffer through morning sickness, migraines, massive weight gain, swelling, constipation, acne, hair loss, mood swings and more. My pregnancy has been a sort of comedy of errors; kidney stones, car accidents, preterm labor and now, a breech baby.
Suffice it to say: I am ready to welcome my son into the world. Any time now, baby, any time.
As I come up on the last few weeks of gestation, I can, without much effort, come up with a tragically long list of complaints, aches and pains, inconveniences, and other negative comments regarding my feelings towards this pregnancy, however, I feel that would be belittling this beautiful privilege. So instead of whining, which I very much want to do, I have decided to make a tally of the things I will miss about the last nine months of my life, once baby arrives; the things that I thought were special, meaningful and just for me.
I will miss:
1. The first time I felt baby kick. There was the time I was laying in bed and it felt like butterfly wings, fluttering in my stomach. I wasn't sure then, but a few weeks later, when I was driving home from work, late at night, listening to the Beatles, I was sure; like popping popcorn. I squealed.
Now he does flips and my belly morphs from side to side. He juts out appendages left and right.
I want nothing more than to meet this little boy, and soon, but I know it will be bittersweet to watch him move and sleep and hiccup and not be able to feel all of it.
2. The freedom of wardrobe. Pregnant ladies can really get away with wearing anything. During these last nine months, I have been known to put together some pretty creative outfits in order to be comfortable; a necessity at every moment.
One night, while I was sitting at my desk at work, I looked down and realized that I very much resembled one of those California Raisin characters - the ones from the commercials that sing and dance like Ray Charles. I was wearing a purple sun dress over a black t-shirt and black tights with black flats - utterly ridiculous - simply not acceptable unless you are pregnant.
3. The donuts. I will definitely miss the donuts.
4. My baby body. Of course, I very much miss my normal sized body, but there is a part of me that has really enjoyed my belly. I feel like a woman - like I deserve to be a woman, somehow.
I wore a bathing suit to the lake a few days ago, and didn't have a care in the world. Insecurity is so far from my mind. I have a respect for my body now that goes so far beyond visual appeal. It all has a function now and I feel good.
There are surely more things that I will miss about the experience, and looking back, once I have that sweet baby in my arms, I know it will all seem so perfect and worth while - the good days and the bad days.
I am so grateful for the privilege to be able to build this little child of God's. How perfect and involuntary it has all been. I know that this has been fundamental to my human experience on this earth - something profound that I was meant to have so that I could better understand the meaning of life. I am truly blessed.
And, here is a quick list of the things I am very much looking forward to, once baby makes his arrival:
1. Kissing the crap out of that sweet baby
2. Touching my toes
3. Sleeping on my belly
4. Crunches
5. Tequila, Cakebread Sauvigon Blanc, Lemon Drop Martinis
6. SUSHI!
7. Baby gas - the kind that makes them look like they are smiling
8. Goat Cheese
9. Spinning Class
10. Baby Smell
